Hey Girl Hey!
Wow…feels so good to be back up and running and getting podcast out again! So many of you reached out about previous episodes, and let us know that you were really taking notes, and writing gems down in your phones that you pick up from the podcast! Luckily for you – this year we’re making it easier and putting all the notes you need…right here.
What’s Been Up?!
Since we last spoke, so much has happened, I went home to Chicago to spend a few weeks with my family. Got to spend so much time with my mom. Every year I host an annual Cookie Bake with friends and cousins so we did that and that was loads of fun. I also ended up getting some sort of stomach flu, or virus , girl I don’t know but it wasn’t cute lol. So was down for the count for a few days but pulled it together right in time for the new year – which I brought in , in some pajamas, fuzzy socks, skin was moisturized, and a small glass of champagne with my mom. So it was a great one for me – I’ve been keeping up with all of you on our break, and you guys have been staying connected with us which was also great – and from your pictures and the direct messages that you send just saying hello and checking in, it looks like a lot of you had a beautiful time off with your family as well.
It is now February which means SLAY GIRL SLAY HAS OFFICIALLY TURNED 1 YEARS OLD! Ah!! It’s our birthday month and we’ll be celebrating all month long with various giveaways (get on that email list boo), and fun stuff on our website and social media so definitely make sure you stay connected. It’s been such a great year, and super excited to celebrate with all of you. Slay Girl Slay has so much in store for everyone this year so make sure you’re subscribed to not only the podcast but our email list – we rarely send out emails, unless something major is happening so be sure to sign up! Also we love connecting with you on social media as well – so buckle up boo – because this is about to be one hell of a ride.
Slide Your Credentials Across The Table
We posted a meme on our Instagram a few weeks ago, but it’s one of my favorite meme’s because of how much weight I think it holds. The meme reads, “ Sometimes you have to slide your credentials across the table, and remind people of who you are.” And I couldn’t help but think, how many times we enter into a room and get smaller. We don’t talk quite as loud around some people. We let certain people talk to us and treat us ways that they maybe shouldn’t. We feel like because we don’t have a mil, in the bank with 500,00 followers, and a popping Shopify account that we can’t be bosses and TITANS within our own rights and in our respective fields. And I couldn’t help but think you know what – this is how we’re starting this year. This year we’re starting with power. This year we’re starting with authority. This year we’re starting with confidence. I truly believe that all of you are sitting on something great. All of you have a purpose that’s way bigger than yourselves – and some of you know what that purpose is, other’s you are on track to discovering what that purpose is. And that’s important – some people will go through life not knowing what they were supposed to do on this earth, and never flourish – and I believe in my heart of hearts that every single one of you listening are in alignment or getting in alignment with what that purpose is.
And often, we get so caught up in the work of it all, and the hustle, and the grind, and the looking around at where we are, and trying to take a minute to appreciate how far we’ve come , that we lose that sense of authority we get when we do get our small victories because our heads are down.,
Your head is down, you’re grinding it out, you’re going through life, you’re working on the inside of you as well as the outside. Sometimes things work out, sometimes they don’t, and you’re learning to be resilient and keep going. And while yes I want you to be exactly that. I want you to be head down, feet running on the ground, but I also want you to catch the brevity of the moves you are making, big or small – because you’re still moving. A win, is a win, is a win at the end of the day – and you have to take a minute and remember just how much you’ve won thus far.
Count up your victories, count up the times you wanted to pat yourself on the back, big or small ya’ll – count them.
Well you’re like Ash I don’t have credentials to slide across the table. Oh but you do. You just don’t realize it. Think about the beginning of 2018 – and think about today, exactly where you are right now listening. What changed? What did you gain? What did you let go? Where did you go? Who did you see? What did you get to do? Because some people, and we’re sending them love today, but some people will act like all that you have, all that you’ve accomplished, all that you’ve been through really don’t amount to nothing. People will act like they don’t see your wins – and only look at what you lost at. And going into this season I want you to know just who you really are, and be ready to be the first to correct someone when you know you’re a 10, but they coming at you like you’re a 2.
When I was home for the holidays, with family, you know leave it to family to call you out on something, and regardless of what you got going on, and how good you are succeeding, there is always going to be one family member that goes for the gut – and want’s to call out your shortcomings. And I have an uncle, bless him, and infront of everyone at our Christmas party he decides it’s time to question me about my love life. And I love my uncle, I do, but he’s loud, and he commands a room, and will not leave you alone until you acknowledge him. So he’s screaming my name to get my attention, he then asks, “Where is your boyfriend – you never bring a man home for us to meet. You met anyone out there in California?” No. “Soooo, there’s no cute black men out there?” Yes – there are tons but I am not in a relationship with any of them. “Oh soooo you dating a Mexican guy?” So now we’re jumping in the race debate. No, not a Mexican. “Sooooo he’s a white man?” Nope – not dating for the 5th time. Then he screams for everyone to hear, “So you’re a lesbian now?!??!” And it’s funny now right, but in that moment I had to bite my tongue from poppin’ off at an uncle for thinking just because I’m not in a relationship right now, that I’m a lesbian. So instead of saying something really mean, and full of shade, and giving him the joy that I had that day – I said you know what Uncle….I made my parents proud this year. I made me proud this year. This year was full of highs, and lows, and I’m still here. I have a brand that I’m proud of, full of women that I get to encourage and motivate every day to be their best selves, and slowly but surely we are taking over the world. So no, I’m not dating a black man, a Mexican man, a white man, or a lesbian at the time – but when that chapter of my life begins – you’ll be the first to read it. and I walked away.
For a while I was the super quiet, sweet, nice Ashley that everyone knew, that you could just say things to, and I’d just brush it off casually. Or it didn’t really bother me, or if it did, I wouldn’t show it. There was a sense of timidness when I entered a room, or when I looked at women that I wanted to be like, because in my heart I felt like I just didn’t have what it took. I didn’t speak up for myself enough so people passed judgement that I was just this nice girl, with a good attitude, that didn’t bite back.
Girl, bye. Not today.
I had to serve my uncle that nice slice of humble pie – because no more miss nice girl. You want to know why? Because I know my credentials. I know how far I’ve come. I know how hard I work, I know how much of myself I’m putting into how I want to feel on the inside and the out – and I refuse to let anyone make me believe any different. Some of ya’ll will let family and friends just say whatever they want to you because of the title they hold in your life – and let me be the first to tell you sis – I don’t care if you’re mom, or dad, brother, sister, boss, best friend sister cousin Tracey has even the slightest thought or opinion about you, who you are, and what you do. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not this year. The work you put into being this great woman you know you are will not be comprised. We said last year you have to protect your dreams at all cost. The dream is protected. Today you must protect YOU at all cost. Because how we gone be go getters and dream chasers – and letting people and situations are taking our minds and hearts other than where they need to be?
Self Confidence, Self Worth, & Everything in Between
Now let’s look at it on the flip side. Let’s say uncle wasn’t served his humble pie, and got away with diminishing my self worth because I didn’t show up to the Christmas party with a man. I would have gone home. I would have been upset, I would have started feeling sorry for myself, like dang – he’s right. Another year, no boyfriend. Another holiday, with no man. Another year, with no guaranteed Christmas gifts you know what I’m saying?
And it happens SO FAST right? One minute you can be in your groove, enjoying yourself, and the next someone can say something that can just snatch that joy away. But you have to look at them with some authority like , “Sir – ma’am – do you know who I am?” “Do you know what I can do? Do you know what’s about to go down in my life? Do you really Susan? I don’t think you do.” And to keep it REAL CUTE – sometimes if I’m being honest – we got to say that to ourselves. I wish when I was coming up, and timid standing next to giants in their industries, that I had a quick reality check with myself and said, “Boo- yes you, DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE? Do you know how much the game is about to change because of you? Do Ash?”
It’s one thing to be kind and nice, which we are, but it’s another to let people walk over you. To just talk to you any kind of way, and give their opinions about what’s going on in your life. Some people will take your kindness for weakness, and that doesn’t necessarily mean they are out to get you, or that they are bad people. But they merely think that because you are humble, because you are doing right, and living right, and staying in your lane, that you won’t stick up for yourself.
I have a friend who’s been in corporate for some time now, at a very well known advertising firm. She’s been on the team for a while, and has done some really cool projects – but has never run lead on any major advertising campaigns. She has the credentials to do it right – she has the tenure, she has the creativity under her belt, she has the experience – so when an opportunity to run this new campaign they are doing comes up, she puts her name in the hat to go for it, and gets denied. She goes to her boss, to get a better understanding, and know why she was looked over to run lead. Her boss says, “You’re a nice team member, we just want someone on the project that’s more assertive and can really own the project and make it great.”
So when I heard about this, she was so upset, thinking about leaving the company, and I’m like GIRL. If you don’t march your behind back to that office tomorrow, right into your bosses office, and slide your credentials across the table and remind him of who you are! You have the most experience on that team. You have the most ideas. You have that master’s you worked hard on year after year, YOU go in there, and get it.
No More Miss Nice Girl
Sometimes it takes you taking a second to remind yourself of who you are. Sometimes I have to walk past a mirror and go back and say Ash – you got the sauce, don’t forget that okay boo? Just because you are a nice girl, and I’m air quoting nice, doesn’t mean you can’t be a boss at whatever you do. Doesn’t mean you can’t be a leader. Doesn’t mean you can’t collect people, and serve them a nice slice of humble pie when they ask for it.
Because here’s what happens when you let go of being so nice, and you let go of that fear of what people will say or how they will react to you. You begin to trust in yourself more. You begin to make more decisions on your own, and not look for people’s approval. Your level of being unbothered about little things start’s to go up, and you become happier. My friend did go back and setup a meeting with her boss. They obviously couldn’t give her the project because it had already gone to someone else – but you know what she walked out with? A promotion. Which in my opinion was a bigger win than leading the project. But it took her going back, taking a minute to think about her wins. Taking a minute to think about what she brings to the table. About how far she’s come, and being able to articulate that and facing that boss, and reminding him of who she was. Reminding him of the wins she had under her belt.
You have degrees you’ve earned. Miles you have traveled. Places you have been. Milestones you have accomplished. Goals you have met, sat at tables you didn’t think you deserved to sit at – but guess what you did it. Stop thinking you are unqualified for everything. Since when?! When did you become unqualified, and who said it? The internet? Your friends? Your family? You are more than qualified to do what you are doing. Be who you are. Go the places you want to go. Sit at the tables you want to sit at. Negotiate with the people you want to negotiate with. You – are – qualified.
So whatever you’ve accomplished, big or small, add it to the credentials and don’t be afraid to slide them across the table in case somebody forgets. Walk every where you go, whether that be your place of work, events that you go to, family functions, with authority. With power. With confidence. And of course, ready to serve a little humble pie if you need to.