Wellness

Podcast Notes: Who Cares If You’re Scared? Do It Anyway!

March 15, 2019

You guys we are in March – how sway? I know! This year is already starting to feel like it’s flying by. Have a quick check in with yourself, and your game plan you put together at the end of last year and just check and see if you are on track with your goals […]

i'm ashley!

I'm the host of the Slay Girl Slay podcast and Founder of Slay Girl Slay. I am so excited that you're here, and I hope you enjoy the show boo!

he boo,

You guys we are in March – how sway? I know! This year is already starting to feel like it’s flying by. Have a quick check in with yourself, and your game plan you put together at the end of last year and just check and see if you are on track with your goals and and starting to knock some things off of your to do list. At the beginning of this year I said we were not going to be taking baby steps towards our goals by the end of this year – but we will be running towards them by the end of this year. And what I mean by that is, whatever goal you wrote down at the beginning of this year – by the end of this year you should be fully working within the goal and making larger steps to fully accomplish that goal , or scratching that goal off your list entirely because it’s done.

There should be no reason, or excuse, as to why you didn’t hit what you want to accomplish this year, because you have 9 months to get it done. Our goal deadline is November, and it’s March so we have 9 months. This is literally like giving birth to a baby. You have 9 months to let it cook, give it your best, shift your life to accommodate these goals, and bring forth something new in your life. I think I made it very clear – that we are no do nothing women. We are go getters, we are dream chasers, we are not lazy, and we do not procrastinate when it comes to our goals. And I realize that, some people may procrastinate out of pure laziness right? There like oh, it will get done tomorrow. Oh I’ll apply for my trademark tomorrow, oh I’ll reach out to different brands tomorrow, oh I’ll create my content tomorrow – and that’s okay because being lazy will only get you to the same place you’ve been. Lazy will have you looking back at last year, and then looking around this year, and you seeing the same people, doing the same things, at the same places. And that’s no shade to anyone being lazy, that’s just the facts. If you put no work in, you get no results out. If you aren’t putting your best foot forward, you won’t get the best outcome coming out of it.

But then I also realize that there are people that will procrastinate out of fear. Fear that whatever it is that they want or are working on is SO FAR FETCHED, that it probably won’t happen anyway. Or that the goal is so big, and so scary, that they feel paralyzed looking at the task ahead, and it keeps them from moving and chasing the dream like they should be. So they may take some steps, but they don’t follow through on other steps. They may have the most bomb game plan mapped out on how they are going to accomplish their goals – but it’s March and they really haven’t made any steps to accomplishing any of those goals, because it’s seems like it’s so much and how the heck are they going to reach that level of accomplishment when all they have is 2 hands and 1 brain?

It’s JUST Fear

This podcast today is not for my lazy friends. We’ll get ya’ll in another episode. But this one is for my girls who are afraid. Who have genuine fear that it won’t happen. It being whatever they have their hearts and their minds set on. A business, a baby, a job, a book…whatever it is, seems so big to you that you have genuine fear holding you back from taking steps to accomplish it. I don’t know if you guys realize it, but this world is governed by fear. Fear is everywhere. Fear is on the news everyday. Fear is on social media when we see headlines. Fear is going to school or our places of work, not knowing if we’ll see our loved ones at the end of the day because of the type of the type of world we live in. Fear is all around us, every single day, and guess what guys – it’s not going anywhere.

So if we live in a world where fear is around us at all times, I guess it’s normal to feel fear when you have a dream, and you have a goal, you have this mountain that you have to climb – and you feel fear when looking up at that mountain because its just so big, and you feel so small, and like i said earlier you only have 2 hands right? It’s natural boo. It’s natural to feel afraid of something that looks bigger than you. It’s natural to feel scared when doing something that no one else in your family has done it. None of your friends have crossed the thresholds that you want to cross, and it’s natural to feel afraid. But if you learn nothing from me, if you learn nothing from this podcast in general, or the Slay Girl Slay brand I want you to learn this. Just because it’s scary, doesn’t mean you have to be afraid. And if you are afraid, 10 times out of 10 it won’t be the last time you’re afraid of something, so take the steps, and go after the goal anyway. Apply for the trademark, put in the application, have the meeting with your boss, do the photo shoot, take the dance class, go to the workshop, who cares if you are scared – do it anyway. This is not going to be the first time you are afraid of something, and it most certainly won’t be your last – so do it anyway.

What Does Fear Feel Like

Fear comes when are embarking on something new. When you are taking steps to accomplish something great, it’s like clockwork ya’ll. As soon as you have this idea in your mind to create something or do something cool, or travel someplace, literally instantly , you hear yourself saying, it won’t work. Or something will happen. Or it won’t work out. Instantly, you think of all the things that can go wrong. That sis, is fear.

I’ve never really told anyone this before, but in college I use to dance. I did it all, modern, point, everything, and did it for all four years of college. After college I moved back home, and started working and had no time for dance, and truly haven’t danced in years, probably since college. And in LA there are several dance studios, and now there are YouTube choreographers that put their classes on YouTube, and you can get a peak at what their classes are like. And I was so inspired and felt that longing to dance again when watching these videos, that I was inspired to sign up for a class. INSTANTLY ya’ll, INSTANTLY , I felt that fear. I instantly thought, it’s been years your body won’t move the way it use too. What if you look like an idiot? What if you hurt yourself because these legs and ankles and arms aren’t young leg and ankles and arms anymore? I mean instantly ya’ll! I hadn’t even looked up the class yet, but in my heart I wanted to so bad, sign up because I wanted to try. I wanted to put myself out there. But in my mind the fear of hurting myself, and the fear of looking like a plum fool – was holding me back.

Internal Fears & External Fears & the Fear of Others

That was my internal fear, right? The fear of looking stupid, and the fear of breaking something because I am no spring chicken. And I called my mom, and sent her the videos of the dance classes, and she called me and she’s like what is this? Can you even move like this? God bless mom right? God bless all the moms out there because that is their job to check you when they think you’re about to do something crazy lol. So I’m like yea mom i’m about to signup for a class, I want to try it. So were on Face Time and she’s looking at me like…giiirrrll…are you sure? Are there any beginners classes maybe you can take to ease yourself into it?  I know she was coming from a good place and obviously a place of concern, but I wanted to point out the fear of others when you tell them a dream or a goal you have.

Now my mom is my very best friend, and you should have someone to be a sound board for when you want to branch out and do new things, and accomplish goals, someone to say that’s a great idea, let’s also talk about your alternatives? In my moms case – she could have easily said, girl no, sit your but down, you’re going to look crazy, don’t break a leg, etc. But instead, she was like great, but are there any beginner classes you can look into before you just dive right in? If she had done the latter, and said no, that’s not a good idea. She would be projecting her fears onto the fears I already have, then I really wouldn’t be signing up for the class.

But this is why I always say, Keep your mouth shut. Stop yapping and telling everybody your business and your next move, unless it’s someone you absolutely know is there for your vision and your dream just as much as you are, because when you open up your mouth and tell them whats going on, your giving way for their fears and their reservations to project onto your own. Hear me loud and clear boo: This is the secret to the sauce. Fear isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. So in order to do it scared, you have to keep your mouth shut, close your eyes, and go for it anyway, without the support of a bunch of people cheering you on. Without the opinions and comments of other people letting you know how they feel. You have to do it quietly. You have to do it with just you, and your thoughts, and your own opinions. You can’t control the scary feelings that come up when you want to reach a level you have never been on. But you can control the feelings of other people around you, by not buying into how they feel about you or what you’re doing to begin with.

My relationships have significantly changed over the past 2 years because of me not announcing my goals, and announcing the steps I’m about to make, and not having a need to seek validation from those relationships. But my life has also changed the most in the past 2 years because I stopped making announcements and just started doing it. I stopped listening to the fears that other people had, and tried to project on me. There are people in my life that have been hurt that I didn’t tell them what I was working towards, or let them know what I was about to do, and I had to tell them, it’s not about you. Keeping your mouth shut is not you being mean or rude, or trying to hurt the people in your life. Keeping your mouth shut, and moving in silence, and doing it afraid is to protect you. It’s to protect your dream. To protect your vision. It has nothing to do with hurting or being misleading to the people you love. It’s because you have that much love for yourself, that you’re willing to go up that mountain your standing in front of scared to death, but you can only carry your own fears, you can’t carry every one else’s.

Having a Fearless Mindset

So you’re scared. You have your scary bags, and your ready to climb this mountain. What do you do? Take the first step. And when you take the first step, the other leg has to follow through and take the next step. And then the next step, and before you now it you are walking. You have to build this mindset, that although yes you may be afraid, but you can do anything. You have to say to yourself, I can do anything. I was born for this. I was put on this earth to see this vision through. This is my baby, and I’m birthing it. This is my purpose, I am walking in it. I can do anything.

I signed up for that dance class ya’ll. And yes, I may look crazy. I may be way out of shape. I may be sore for the next 3 weeks to follow. But if I can remember that all i have to do is put one foot infant of the other, I’ll be okay. If you can put one foot infant of the other, you’ll be okay. Oprah put it best, she said, don’t focus on the big task at hand right? Don’t get so caught up in how big the dream is, how large your mountain is, because then you’ll never climb it. You’ll never get up there. But if you can think of the next RIGHT move – and keep thinking of the NEXT right move – before you know it, you’ll be there. What is your next right move boo? What is the next step you have to take?

Faith of A Mustard Seed

I am by any means no preacher, and I am not here to give ya’ll a sermon, but i’ here to share what I know, and what I do know is that God says all you have to have is the faith of a mustard seed. A mustard seed. If you don’t know how tiny it is, look it up. He doesn’t say you have to have the faith of 10,000 mustard seeds, or 100 thousand mustard seeds, he said just one. Look at your goal, you don’t need a whole bucket of faith boo, you just need a little drop that says I can do this. I can climb this mountain. I can make this dream a reality.

And having faith ya’ll doesn’t mean you won’t fall. You will fall, you will hurt yourself. You will cry. You will be confused. There will be times where you don’t know what the heck is going on. But that don’t mean it has to stop you. To this day, I will be upset about something, and get knocked down, but please believe, wet face, snotty nose, and tears coming down my face there is still a part of me that says I can make this dream a reality. I can make my life the way I want it to look. I don’t care if all i have is two pennies to rub together, I will climb this mountain.

Where there is a Will There Is a Way

So i did sign up for the dance class, i signed up for a beginners class, and i am super nervous and I have no idea how i’m going to look, or if I’m going to be able to pick up the choreography…but ya’ll I’m going to take one step. Go pick up your game plan, and see what your one step is, and ask yourself what is your next right move?

There is an old proverb that we all know. And it goes, where there is a will…there is a way. If your will is to do it scared, to do it regardless of how afraid you are…a way will be made for it to happen. I will leave you with one of my favorite bible scriptures, Jeremiah 29:11, say it aloud with me if you know it.

“For I know the plans that I have for you. Plans to prosper you, and not harm you. Plans to bring you hope and future.”

Who cares if you’re scared sis. Do it anyway.

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I believe that no matter what barriers, road blocks, or mind traps we have infront of us - we can still go far and achieve the things we want to achieve. I believe that the dreams & goals we have aren't just placed in our hearts by chance. There is a reason they are there. I'm here to help you figure that out.

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